Sunday, February 17, 2013

How to be loyal


1.)  Understand what being loyal means.  You must be willing to allow your own interests to take second place to be truly loyal to another person or cause.  Loyalty is simply the act of putting someone or something else [[Be Selfless|ahead of one's self]].

2.) Be willing to sacrifice.  Being loyal in a patriot sense, as in loyal to one's country, has placed millions in harm's way in wars throughout history.  The people who serve in the modern military are loyal to their nation, its flag, and the purpose they serve for.  Being loyal to a friend or your own family can also require sacrifice.

3.) Take time to look at the needs of whomever will have your loyalty.  To take steps of loyalty, you need to recognize that it is a deliberate effort, and to be truly loyal to someone, you have to be willing to invest yourself, your time and energy in them.

4.)  Ask yourself if what or who you are offering your loyalty to is worthy of the investment.  Is the person or organization who asks for your loyalty worthwhile?  Depending on what philosophy or religion you may follow, you might find guidance there.  In the Judeo-Christian religion, the order of loyalty may be summed up as "God, Family, and Country", putting loyalty to God first, then family, and finally, country.

5.)  Consider the benefits of loyalty.  This may be most obvious in the case of employment.  Being a loyal employee often creates its own rewards, with increases in pay, job security, and respect from your employer.  Being a loyal employer, who is willing to look after your employees, will give them incentive to be more dedicated and productive for you.
6.) Weigh the costs of being loyal.  You should always structure the hierarchy of your loyalties according to your valuation of their importance.  If being loyal to a group or club causes you social ostracism or creates negative influence in your family or other social circumstance, it may not be worthwhile to continue that loyalty.

7.)  Balance your loyalties with the day-to-day needs of your own life and your family.  Being loyal to a volunteer group or social organization at the expense of taking time for your family may result in suffering loss in your personal relationships.

8.)  Look for reward and appreciation in your efforts to be loyal.  Being loyal to an unappreciative person or group is not very rewarding, and although this implies a selfish motivation for your loyalty, it is a practical thing to expect the person or group to which you give your loyalty to be loyal to you in return.

Why relationship change after marriage and why loyalty bring happiness?

A recent Northwestern University study found that what makes a person a good dating partner might not determine who is a suitable spouse.
For couples in both a dating relationship and a marriage, an important contributor to a satisfying relationship is an understanding that a partner will help the other achieve his/her dreams. That’s huge for married couples, too, but in the married relationship, it is even more substantial that the partner upholds his/her part of the commitment pledged before taking vows.
Explains Daniel Molden, assistant professor at Northwestern University and lead author of the study:
In other words, the feelings of being loved and supported that people use to judge who makes a good girlfriend or boyfriend may not be completely trustworthy in deciding who makes a good husband or wife. Those feelings may only partially capture the emotions that will determine your satisfaction with the person you marry.
Molden believes the study, to be published soon in the journal Psychological Science, helps to explain why so many marriages fall apart today.
Perhaps young adults enter marriage with a faulty notion of loyalty, and what is required of a faithful mate. Maybe we simply aren’t as loyal as we used to be.
Why Loyalty MattersIn their new book, “Why Loyalty Matters,” authors by Timothy Keiningham and Lerzan Aksoy explore the connection between satisfying relationships, happiness, and loyalty. Their research is intriguing.
According to their studies the people who value loyalty — to their spouse, family, and friends — are happier and more satisfied with their lives than the executives working themselves to death in order to pay for the country club, enjoy the spa, and eat fancy cuisine (unless they do all those things with their spouse … which would make it an “experience” not merely an “acquisition.” Keiningham and Aksoy write: “The most important factor that separates happy people from unhappy people is our relationships with others. It is more important than money, and even more important than our health.”
Just as the Northwestern study indicated, the couples who are more loyal to each other–making good on the promises they uttered at the altar–are also happier. The loyalty translates into happiness.
But say you’re a person who doesn’t like to commit … who always likes a lot of options. How do you train yourself to become more loyal?
Keiningham and Aksoy offer a Loyalty Advisor tool at, where they assess your relationship style and examine your loyalties across multiple areas that relate to your happiness, and offer guidelines based on the results. The authors have come up with ten basic building blocks of our relationship DNA: leadership, reliance, empathy, security, calculativeness, connectedness, independence, traditionalism, problem-focused coping, and emotion-focused coping.
Northwestern’s Molden hopes that his study will encourage young couples to not only think about how their partners will support their dreams, but also about how committed their partners will be to the obligations presented within a marriage as well. Because, as he says, “We could end up with both happier marriages and more satisfied people, in general.”

Associate Editor
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...