Sunday, January 31, 2010

Did He Ever Love Me?

I was exiting a 2 year relationship fully ready to be single. Ready to go out with friends without having to worry or feel guilty about having a man at home (i never cheated on him, I'm not the type). I was at work one day, and walked into the employee lounge...and my life will never be the same again. the moment i saw David* my heart skipped a beat and i couldn't believe how strong my immediate attraction was to him, id never felt that before. he had the most beautiful, clear hazel eyes and a smile that made me melt...and was he hot! i never thought in a million years he would be interested in me. luckily...and after some bribing...i got to train him. after a few hours on the sales floor and some talking about ourselves i was immediately impressed with him. we started talking and taking lunch together when we could. a few weeks later, a little birdie at work told me he had told them he liked me! ....ME!....I couldn't believe it...until things started to get flirtatious. turns out...he wasn't sure if I liked HIM!I met some of his friends, whom i like very much. we would hang out and talk for hours on the phone a night, sometimes until dawn. we admitted we liked each other, but he wanting to take things slow, which we were both in agreeing on...after a month and a half of a strong attraction building and "dating" we became a couple....and one week into our relationship we have our first kiss and i will never forget it. a few days later he was dropping me off at home and he kissed me goodnight, looked deep into my eyes and he told me he loved me. i wasn't expecting that, i mean i knew in my heart I felt the same way, I just didn't think he was on the same page as me so quickly. He must have realized what he said and immediately blushed and apologized. I told him he didn't have to apologize because i felt the same way....only after a few weeks of dating! he treated me like a princess, always Mead me feel good about myself and bought me flowers, and Godiva chocolates (my favorite!) always picked me up from work, dropped me off if he could. literally spent every waking moment with me, and I loved every minute of it. He became my best friend, someone who made me laugh until i cried, and i genuinely loved spending time with and best of all my parents loved him! and he loved spending time with my family, his parents divorced and he always told me how he never wanted that for himself. .....I was too blind in love to see the signs. His relationship with his parents was disgusting at best. he had no respect for either parent. After become rather close to some of his female friends, they began to "warn" me about "how he is" and to "be careful". The said, in so many words, that he was controlling, Jealous, Cheap and Selfish.....NOT MY DAVID*!Soon, in little examples i saw what they meant. He became insanely jealous, made it so any and all of my male friends would stay away from me...and eventually my female ones too!We would fight (who doesn't?) Endless argue,ments because he always loved to throw his ex-girlfriend in my face. and constantly accused me of cheating on him. It became so I wasn't aloud to go anywhere without him. It was hard for me to realize what was going on because in my mind i always wanted him with me anyway. One day we decided to take a "break", and he called me endlessly, and I didn't respond (a first) he started calling my family, my job looking for me. He came to pick me up from work and marched right into my store and in front of my boss and customer yelled at he he would kill me first before any other man could ever have me! that was a huge turning point for us, I told him if he ever said that again he would never see me again. I began to notice the the tilt of financial responsibility go from him to me. I always paid for myself, always took care of myself, and eventually he wanted me to takjke care of him too! and i did it like a mindless idiot. Soon, I was fighting with my parents, they began to not like him. Eventually, I got myself thrown out of my house and moved in with David after a year and we returned to our blissful happiness....even though his jealousy and insecurity about himself remained. As happy and in love as we were, It became impossible to have any privacy or do anything without his approval without a fight. I can pin point the one event that spelled the end for us being me loosing my job. This was supposed to be a time for him to be there for me, to support me, emotionally and financially....instead he left me out in the cold. abandoned me. He because disrespectful, and insulting and just an ugly person. He had gone away with his father for a week or so, and when he returned i found out he had gone out, and went partying and rinking with friends...things i wasn't " aloud" to do.....that was it for me! i told him i was done, at first he was like , OK whatever...but once i got another job and began making plans to move out...he got scared, told me i should stay that he love me...every other day the rest of the time he was telling me how useless i was and i should go. Once i had finalized plans to move home...he told me to stay, pleaded with me to stay. But i couldn't id had enough. we kept in touch over the next few eeks and he always told me evertime he saw me how he still loved me, and he told friend how he still loved and missed me....until a few weeks later i found out he was dating an old frined of hours and i cut off any and all communication between us. The just had a child and its been one year since we have broken up and my heart has still not fully healing. I still cry sometimes, i cant help how i feel about him. He was my first love, i have learned to live without him.We never had real closure, which is why i think i still feel like this for him But the one question always stick in the back on hy head....Did he ever love me?

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