Sunday, January 31, 2010

I miss him...:-(

it’s been way too long……….too long. I haven’t met raj for about 10 days. I remember when i had to leave to go to india for a vaction/to study. On the way to the airport all i could feel was my tears falling down. My parents wanted me to study in india for a whole year. That meant that i wouldnt be able to see raj for a whole year. I was so far away from him yet sometimes i felt as if he was right there. When i got onto the plane all i cud wish for was a miracle that just took me away from everything and let me hold my raj. I took my seat on the plane and waited for it to take me so far away from him. I prayed and prayed for all this to be a dream. But no, it was reality. When i got off the plane at the airport in Delhi, i noticed that he wasnt here…besides me. That’s wen it hit me..that now im alone. I walked up to see my uncle waiting there for me along with my my moms uncle. They were so happy to see me and my family. I smiled and tried not to let out my tears. My uncle, Ranveer grabed my arm and held me in his arms. For a second, i just wanted to tell him everything about me and raj right there, so that i cud at least cry. He told me that i had grew so much. Last time he saw me was when i was 5 years old and now here i am infront of him as a 13 year old girl. We got into the car and started to head towards Punjab, my home. I asked them how long is it going to take? All they cud say was just go to sleep manpreet. Later i found out that it takes about 8-9 hours from Delhi to get to Punjab. Yea, a little overwhelming? First i had to leave raj in America all alone, second i had to sit thru 15 hrs. on the plane, and now 8 more hours to get home? lmao i was tired as hell but i didnt close my eyes throughout the whole journey. I wanted to call raj…tell him once more that i love him so much. When i reached punjab everybody just wanted to hug me and talk to me. I was quiet and i didn’t want to talk to anybody. Although i had to act as if i was having lots of fun. After a few days, i had to attend my uncle’s marriage(not ranveer, hes only 20). This uncle was also my mom’s brother but he was older than ranveer uncle. After the marriage, i had to go to school, like every other kid on earth. School was an interesting experience in india. Apparently they called 7th grade 7th class over there….lol. I had a tough time with everything. They made me make up every single work that i missed. I stayed up every nite filling out my notebooks with all the work i had missed since the begnning of the year. Sometimes i used to cry while doing my work, and i told everybody that i was jus worried about my study. At nite, when i was sleeping my aunt told me that i was talking in my sleep in english. She cudnt understand me..thx god or else she’d probably kno that i was talking about raj. On the outside, i was a jolly little 13 year old kid but from the inside, i was turning into somebody that i didn’t even recognize. I wasnt the same manpreet anymore. I didn’t cry….i didn’t sleep….i almost stopped eating. If anybody asked me if i had already eaten, i wud just say yea i did. But the truth was that i was hungry like crazy, but i wanted to be fed by raj. I wanted to eat,sleep, and have fun with him and nobody else. I hated everybody…i stopped going to school after 15 days. I just cudn’t take it anymore. I hated to sit along the window at nite and just stare at the pitch black night. I hated it when i cried and nobody was there to ask me if i was okay. Somtimes i asked god why does he do this to so many people? why is he doing it to me? I thought that he was punishing me but i soon realized that it was all a test from him. God wanted to know if we truly did love each other. He wanted to know if i would forget about raj and start to think of some other guy….he wanted to know if the love that i had and if the love that raj had was actuallly true. Some time in August, i sat in the room alone…looking at my aunt’s cell phone. I knew what i was doing and i knew if i had gotten caught i wudnt have any excuses of why i was talking to a boy. I reached for the phone, and hid inside the closet. It was a burning hot day and i was sweating in the closed closet. I dialed his number with excitement and fear. When he picked up, i heard his soft, smooth, and sweet voice. His voice healed that hole that was riped into my heart when i left him there. I cud tell that he had jus woken up when i heard his voice. He said hello over and over again and thats wen i noticed that i was crying…silently. He told me to talk and the silence between us told him that it was his manpreet. He knew it was me yet i hadnt even said a word to him. I didn’t say anything becaz i was afraid if he had moved on. I know, im stupid to think that way. I thought that raj wud have started to like some other girl after i left. It had been 5 months already now. I didn’t go to school but i started to eat, and sleep a little after i heard his voice. Towards the end of August, i called him again. This time i actually spoke to him for about 2 mins. At first he didn’t believe that it was me calling him. But later i told him that i was coming back from india in September. I heard his voice fill with joy and i had a real smile on my face after so long. After a few days, i was packing my suitcase. Everybody asked me to just stay but i cried and whined how the school isnt good for me and that im going to fail every class that i took. That was just an excuse to go back to india. It took me really long to convince my parents to let me come back to America. They spent a lot of money on me. They bought me my uniform, shoes, books, and they payed for the school fee. It was a lot of money that i had wasted but i knew that i cudnt live without raj. I just couldn’t take 6 more months of pain…it was too much. I sort of felt bad that i wasted their money so much but if i had stayed in india longer, i wud have wasted a lot more money…and i probably wudnt be alive. I was so happy to leave india. Everybody was sad but i was the jolly one out of everywun. I cried a little so that they don’t think im weird or something. Ranveer uncle, and my two aunts droped me off at the Delhi airport. I was sad to leave my real home, but the truth is that wherever my husband is, that is where my home is. My parents, sister, and brother had left a few months earlier than me. I stayed in india with my grandma, aunts, and uncles. In india everybody treats you like their child, so staying away from my parents wasn’t a big deal for me. I waited for my plane to be called so that i cud get on board and fly to America. When i heard my plane’s name, i felt so happy to know that i was going to be in my raj’s arms very soon. First of course i had to sit thru a 15 hour ride. lol…I reached america and my parents came to pick me up from the New York airport. This was the first time i had ever been on a plane by myself….it was kind of scary but i knew my raj was with me so i didn’t have to worry about anything. My mom hugged me and my dad did too. They said they missed me alot and that they are glad that i came back earlier. Even though they were the ones who fought me and tried to force me to stay in…parents…they so weird. I got into the car and i didn’t fall asleep thru the 15 hour plane ride or the 2 hour ride from the new york airport to philadelphia. When i reached home, my eyes were tired. I went to my room and saw the phone waiting for me. I grabed the phone and i didn’t have the energy to dial the numbers. I fell onto the bed and finally slept in peace after 6 months. Next morning i called raj asap. I heard his voice and he told me how he went through the same thing as i did. I couldn’t believe that he waited for me…for so long. I couldn’t believe that i waited for him for so long. I don’t anybody on earth who wud go through so much for their loved one. Those 6 months in india, were awful but that time proved to me that we were meant to be for each other. We started to meet again and things were back to normal. For the first few weeks, i had to change back to the real manpreet that i had forgotten about in the past 6 months. Soon things were perfectly good again. I guess God got his answers….and that answer was from me and raj. We proved to him that we together were….2 hearts but 1 soul. Those 6 months made us stronger. The fact that we waited for each for so long told us how much love we had and still have for each other. Today i sit here and im whinning about 10 days? ha funny. Because, i know if i could make it through 6 months of pain….i could definately wait for him for 10 days…..forget 10 days…i wud wait for him for the rest of my life if i had to..,..just because we’re not always together, doesn’t mean that we’re going to break and shatter into pieces. Somtimes you have to have hope….and when that hope is strong enough, you’ll know that you have something so special that nobody in the world has. That could be….your love or anything small. Hope is one thing that keeps us together. Trust is the biggest thing that makes our tiny strings of love stronger and stronger every and each second…..hope…. and trust……forever.

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